In Basic Needs For Self-Care During Intense Stress, we delved into tackling the basics after facing intense stress or trauma using Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs pyramid. During that time, which I may have been stuck in for years but truly found myself spiraling in for several months after recent trauma, the focus becomes tackling the basics for survival. Food, water, shelter, warmth or comfort, and the thing we often miss more than not, rest.
Now that we can manage our survival deficiencies — eating and drinking without begging our bodies to hold it down and taking comfort in a decent night’s sleep, even if it comes with the help of a sleep aid — it’s time to level up our thriving game and step away from mere survival and into feeling safe and secure both inside our personal spaces and with ourselves.
Safety can mean different things to different people. For some, it’s having a roof over their heads at night, so they can rest and refuel away from the world. For others, that roof is (and may always be) above their heads, so safety is job security, freedom to live within individually set boundaries, available healthcare, stability within their place in the world… this list is long and extremely individualized. Broken down by individual, safety and security differ so greatly it’s crucial, especially after trauma, to find a safe place to grow without judgment.
Physical safety is imperative for mental clarity. If you feel physically unsafe, please seek help, starting with a local crisis center. Please.
Once your physical safety is secure and you’re fulfilling your basic physiological needs, it’s time to focus on mental security.
Moments of intense stress can certainly stretch far beyond a moment. Even the shortest of moments can feel never-ending. Tackle one moment or one event at a time. Breaking the elephant in the room into bite-size pieces is the only way to tackle the whole thing. This means prioritizing, planning, and committing to not stepping outside each bite-size piece.
Schedule a small time frame and set a timer to deal with each stressor at a time. Safety and security overwhelm can be mind-numbing and action-stopping. Remember to take on what is in your complete control first. Keep track of the items out of your control because you may be able to take control over them as time and effort propel you forward. Separate what you can control from those items you cannot control.
Begin your action plan on paper. Written goals are more often met than goals floating inside a busy mind. Within your place of safety, take a break and rest. You might be in hustle mode; you might be grieving; you might be busy juggling all the balls falling on top of you… no matter what you must do to create a better sense of safety and security, remember to rest. This entire journey is about self-care, so don’t skimp on rest.
· Name what safety means to you and write it down
· Write your goals to meet your individual safety and security goals
· Write a two-column list of items you can control and items you cannot.
· Plan (in writing) actionable steps to tackle controllable items.
· Live inside each crisis moment, then step away with a commitment to manage one priority at a time.
Finally, ask yourself this:
If I could have realistic, attainable safety and security, it would look like____________.
Separate from your action plan in the bullet points, write down your mission and keep it somewhere visible. Share it with your support tribe so they can help hold you accountable and offer the ladder you need to rise up.
Be well.
~Stella