Every winter I go through this binding negativity. This year I’ve tried to tell my family how much I need to chase the sun. I don’t think they truly get it. These past two weeks have been especially hard because I was sick, we were well, then my kids got sick. I woke in the middle of the night to find my husband in bed with me coughing something awful. I felt bad for him. He spent a week in feet of snow in another country far from home. But the winter negative pushed me to thinking get that shit out of this house. We don’t need it here – not after the week of daily puking we’ve had. Our son woke this morning coughing as well. Our daughter is missing her fifth day of school. She can’t seem to make it through twenty-four hours without emptying her little tummy.
We’ll make it through. We’ll all be fine. We are fortunate ones.
But sometimes I need that push to give me the blind faith I never carry within myself. This morning on the way home to my sick daughter who has missed every day this week of school, after dropping off her coughing brother at school, this Jason Mraz song came on Coffee House on Siruis XM. It was exactly what I needed today. it was everything I needed to remind myself the changes I’m thinking of, the stress I put myself through, the hardships of parenting, of loving, of living….are all completely worth every bit of heartache we feel. And even more than all of that, we are fortunate ones. Perspective is an amazing gift. Mine right now is not from a good place. My camera lens is not focused. My camera is pointing in all the wrong directions. My director has walked off the set. And my attentions are not where they need to be. I’ve known this for a while.
We are fortunate ones. And we can be even greater if we don’t give up.
I need to chase the sun.
Don’t give up. Don’t give up on knowing your dreams are worth the reaching. Don’t give up loving. Don’t give up living. Don’t let the worries get in your way. We all face challenges in our lives which can’t compare to others. Don’t compare. Don’t think your worries don’t matter because they are not as huge as others. Don’t give up.
I won’t give up.
I will follow the sun. Wherever it may take me.
Happy and Healthy Thoughts to you~
Stella
