I loved him more than the moon. I’ve never actually loved the moon, but only because I’ve never set foot on the moon. But I do know that I couldn’t exist without it, the moon. I couldn’t breathe, tides would overtake my body and I would drown in a sea of sorrow without it, the moon. He was my moon. But I loved him more. His smile I could feel from miles away, his touch would send shivers down my spine so strong the floor beneath me would shake. His laugh trembled through my soul and without even realizing, my own laughter would follow.
He told me how much he loved me when he touched me. His finger tips would move from goose bump to goose bump along my arm causing the hair on my body to stand on end. He whispered in my ear, “I love you.” Chills sent my head to fall to my feet at the sound of his voice.
We were happy. We laughed. We loved.
Then it was over. It ended. Love dissipated. Chills grew harder as our hearts fought to heal. I was weak. I hurt. When I was breathing, I hurt. I hurt with my eyes; my ears hurt when he spoke. He threw stones at my soul with each word he said to me. With each step I took, I’d fall deeper down a hole. Comfort lived in that hole. Comfort in the form of a lonely place without acknowledgement, without love, without hurt. I was alone.
Someone told me to get up. Not just get up, but jump up. Feel the breeze, touch the sunshine, count the clouds, listen to the children laughing. I couldn’t.
But I tried. Once.
Again. I tried.
A little girl said, ‘you broke my dolly.’ And she cried.
I felt her pain. I watched her toss the doll to the floor and run off laughing. She let go. She possessed superpowers I couldn’t muster.
I looked up to the sky, pulled my hand in front of my face, reaching with two fingers to the sun. I touched the sunlight. Feeling its warmth, I let it sink into my soul.
There were no clouds. It was a perfect day. It was a strong day. Solid. Unmoving. No breeze. Just gorgeous silence.
Soaking in the sun, the stillness, I let go.
I am strong. I am brave. I can live to love again.